Being assertive is a choice but it is vital that you are able to choose. If you don't learn to become assertive, your relationships will not work to their full potential and you will likely be left feeling unfulfilled. Also, it most likely means you are not completely honest with your partner or other people.
This is a bill of assertiveness rights. I didn't create it but I certainly endorse it and use it in teaching sessions and workshops. Again, it is all about choice and exercising your rights when it is appropriate and in your best interest.
You have the right;
- To express all of your feelings, positive and negative.
- To change your mind.
- To make mistakes and not be perfect.
- To set and follow your own standards.
- To say no to anything without justification.
- To determine your own priorities.
- Not to be responsible for others' behaviour, actions, feelings or problems.
- To expect honesty from others.
- To be angry with somebody you love.
- To be uniquely yourself.
- To feel scared and say "I'm scared".
- To be unsure or not to know.
- Not to have to give excuses or reasons for your behaviour.
- To make decisions based on your feelings.
- To your own needs and personal space.
- To be playful and childlike.
- To change and grow.
- To have your needs and desires respected by others.
- To be treated with dignity and respect.
- To be happy and believe you are a worthwhile person.
Sometimes and in certain situations you may choose not to exercise some of your rights. That's ok so long as you are making a choice and not acting out of fear or manipulation. However, if you are aware of your rights and start to implement them when you feel it is appropriate, your relationships will be healthy.
There are also consequences to exercising your rights. It is likely that those closest to you will be resistant, at least at first. Some people might even decide they can't be around an assertive person - these will usually be people who have taken advantage of you or manipulated you in some way. If they don't change and grow, they will have to find someone else to manipulate. On the flip side of the coin, it means that those relationships which endure and any you establish in the future, will be open, honest, healthy and will have plenty of potential for growth and fulfilment.
And don't forget that with rights and choices there are also responsibilities. Take responsibility for who you are, what you feel, need and desire and allow your partner (or others) to do likewise.
There are also consequences to exercising your rights. It is likely that those closest to you will be resistant, at least at first. Some people might even decide they can't be around an assertive person - these will usually be people who have taken advantage of you or manipulated you in some way. If they don't change and grow, they will have to find someone else to manipulate. On the flip side of the coin, it means that those relationships which endure and any you establish in the future, will be open, honest, healthy and will have plenty of potential for growth and fulfilment.
And don't forget that with rights and choices there are also responsibilities. Take responsibility for who you are, what you feel, need and desire and allow your partner (or others) to do likewise.
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